BRIAR ROSE

 

Alright, y'all gather 'round, 'cause I'm gonna tell ya a tale about a sleepin' princess named Briar Rose. Now, this ain't your typical fairy tale with fancy princes and sparkly gowns. This here's a redneck retelling, full of grit and moonshine.

Picture this: Once upon a time, way back yonder in a neck of the woods so old the trees had beards, lived a king and queen rollin' in dough. They had it all, y'all - fancy clothes, grub aplenty, even a carriage for takin' Sunday cruises. But one thing they sorely lacked: a little sprout to call their own. One day, when the queen was fishin' by the crick, a poor little catfish done flopped out of the water, beggin' for mercy. So she tossed it back in, and wouldn't ya know it, the fish spoke! "Yer kindness won't go unrewarded," it gurgled, "soon ya'll have a little princess!" And sure enough, poof! Out popped a baby girl, prettier than a magnolia blossom.

The king and queen were tickled pink, throwin' a shindig bigger than a hog roast. They invited all the fancy folks, even the fairies, though one ol' crone with a black hat and broomstick got left out. She wasn't happy about it, let me tell ya.

So, eleven fairies blessed the princess with beauty, brains, and all the good stuff. But just as the twelfth was about to bless her, the grumpy fairy stuck her oar in. She cursed Briar Rose to prick her finger on a spindle and fall dead on her fifteenth birthday. Yikes! But the twelfth fairy softened the blow, makin' the sleep last a hundred years instead.

Fast forward fifteen years, and the king and queen are off gallivantin'. Briar Rose, curious as a kitten, stumbles upon an old tower. Inside, she finds an ancient granny spinnin' like a blur. Briar Rose, bein' a good girl, tries it herself, but bam! The curse strikes, and she slumps over like a wilted sunflower.

But here's the twist: everyone else in the palace falls asleep too! Even the chickens and the dang flies! Time stands still, and thorns grow thick around the palace, hidin' it from prying eyes. Many princes try to hack their way through, but get tangled up and meet their maker.

Then, one fine day, a young buck of a prince rides into town. He hears about the sleepin' princess and figures, "Why not? Sounds like an adventure!" Now, on the very day his journey ends, the hundred years are up. The thorns transform into bloomin' flowers, and the prince waltzes right through.

He finds Briar Rose lookin' like a porcelain doll, and, well, one thing leads to another, and he plants a kiss on her lips. Boom! She blinks awake, lookin' at him like he's a catfish with wings. The whole palace stirs, and folks yawn and stretch like they just woke up from a nap. It's a reunion bigger than a county fair!

The prince and Briar Rose tie the knot, and guess what? They lived happily ever after, proof that even in a redneck fairy tale, true love can kiss ya awake from the deepest slumber. So next time you see a thorn bush, remember - there might just be a sleepin' princess waitin' on the other side.