The Grocery Receipt Tax Inspector
DEAR Doofus: My boyfriend, "Julian," goes through our joint grocery receipts with three different neon highlighters. He codes items as "Essential Fuel" (green), "Borderline Luxury" (yellow), or "Frivolous indulgence" (red). My favorite dark chocolate chips are always aggressively highlighted in red, accompanied by a lecture on "fiscal discipline." Meanwhile, his craft IPA beer is somehow categorized as "Essential Fuel." How do I end this auditing nightmare? — HIGHLIGHTED IN HOUSTON
DEAR HIGHLIGHTED: Julian has contracted "Selective Fiscal Paranoia," a psychological trick where personal indulgences are classified as vital survival goods while a partner’s treats are branded as economic treason.
Enforce a "Two-Receipt Demilitarization Policy." Separate your groceries at the register. Julian can highlight his own receipt in neon green all evening, while your chocolate stays safely off his ledger
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