Letter of Complaint

 

To the Honorable Members of the Pocahontas County Board of Education,

I am writing to express my profound admiration for the board’s recent, avant-garde approach to school staffing. By simultaneously abolishing the position of school counselor and hiring the spouse of the superintendent’s secretary—a retired state policeman—as the itinerant school security officer, you have finally achieved what many thought impossible: solving the complex puzzle of child development with a pair of handcuffs and a brisk "move along."

It is truly a masterclass in efficiency. Why waste resources on a "Certified School Counselor" who, per West Virginia Code §18-5-18B, is legally mandated to provide "developmental, preventive, and remedial guidance" for the "academic, social, emotional, and physical needs" of our students? Clearly, the Legislature’s requirement that every county board "shall provide counseling services for each pupil" was merely a polite suggestion that pales in comparison to the tactical benefits of a retired trooper.

While West Virginia Code §18-5-18B explicitly mandates counselors, I have scoured the books and found no such mandate for a School Resource Officer. I assume this is because the state realized that "emotional support" is just code for "not enough sirens."

I do have a few minor, perhaps naive, questions regarding this transition:

• Mental Health Strategy: How exactly does a retired state policeman address a third-grader’s anxiety or a middle-schooler’s grief? Is there a specific caliber of bullet that stops a panic attack? Or does the SRO simply "read the Miranda rights" to a child's depression until it decides to remain silent?

• The Re-Entry Paradox: Under West Virginia State Board Policy 4373 and recent discipline bills (like SB 199), a suspended student often requires a behavioral plan or a re-entry conference involving a "school counselor, social worker, or psychologist" before they can return to the classroom. Since you’ve abolished the counselor, who will sign off on these? Will the SRO simply frisk the student for "bad vibes" at the front door and declare them rehabilitated?

• Optics and Ethics: It is heartwarming to see such a "family-like atmosphere" (to quote the Superintendent) that the hiring pool for security roles is conveniently located in the same household as the Central Office staff. It really streamlines the background check process when you can just ask across the dinner table if the candidate is a "good guy."

We look forward to a future where our schools have 100% security and 0% emotional regulation. It may not be what the law requires, but it certainly makes for a quiet hallway—at least until the next student has a crisis with no one left to talk to.

With deeply concerned (but safely secured) regards,

A Pocahontas County Parent (and Taxpayer)

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