Best Political Promises to Get Votes in a Primary Election

 

1. I will personally wrestle a bear to ensure lower gas prices.
2. We're putting a giant laser on the moon to deflect all future Mondays.
3. Everyone gets a naptime mandated by law. Productivity? Who needs it?
4. Taxes will be abolished... and replaced with high fives!
5. We'll build a wall around the internet to keep out cat videos.
6. I promise to make broccoli taste like pizza. (Scientists are baffled!)
7. Sundays will now be 48 hours long. Weekends just got epic.
8. We're training an army of squirrels to gather all lost socks.
9. I will personally translate all political speeches into emoji for better understanding.
10. Cats will finally be granted the right to vote. (Mayhem ensues!)
11. We're launching a spaceship powered by laughter to explore the giggle quadrant of the galaxy.
12. All meetings will now be mandatory dance parties. Productivity soars... strangely.
13. I will personally negotiate peace with all vegetables. Salads rejoice!
14. We're installing a national slide network to get around. Traffic jams? Never heard of them!
15. Everyone gets a free superpower of their choice. (Just be careful what you wish for!)
16. We're outlawing all boring things. Netflix marathons become a national pastime.
17. I will personally teach pigeons to deliver takeout. Who needs delivery apps?
18. We're building a giant robot controlled by the collective internet. What could go wrong?
19. I promise to make the national bird a majestic sloth. Because naps are a national priority.