DIY Humor: Complete this statement in 20 humorous different sentences:"I used to be a genius but ...."

 

Complete this statement in 20 humorous different sentences:"I used to be a genius but ...."

I used to be a genius but then I got into a fight with a thesaurus and everything went downhill.

2. I used to be a genius but then Netflix suggested an endless documentary loop on the history of buttons, and the rest is history.
3. I used to be a genius but then I took an arrow to the knee...wait, wrong game. Now I can't remember anything besides crafting recipes.
4. I used to be a genius but then I became a teacher, and apparently wrangling minds is the same as having your own personal mental black hole.
5. I used to be a genius but then social media convinced me everyone else was living a life of perfect vacations and abs, and now I can't focus on anything but following the Kardashians.
6. I used to be a genius but then I became friends with a group of comedians, and let's just say some things are contagious...like laughter and a complete lack of inhibitions.
7. I used to be a genius but then I got a pet sloth, and let's face it, their laid-back lifestyle is pretty darn tempting.
8. I used to be a genius but then I downloaded a free game "just to try it for 5 minutes." Five years later, here I am...
9. I used to be a genius but then I got a taste of instant ramen in college, and now I can't seem to stop perfecting the art of the 2-minute meal.
10. I used to be a genius but then I discovered online shopping. One-click buying is a dangerous invention for an impulsive mind.
11. I used to be a genius but then I had kids, and sleep deprivation apparently comes with a free download of baby-brain.
12. I used to be a genius but then I moved next door to a bakery, and the siren song of fresh croissants is simply too powerful to resist.
13. I used to be a genius but then I got a job with a never-ending to-do list, and now my brain feels like a cluttered attic.
14. I used to be a genius but then I started travel blogging, and spending all that time on exotic beaches isn't exactly conducive to complex problem-solving.
15. I used to be a genius but then I learned how to make sourdough bread during quarantine, and now I'm obsessed with perfecting the perfect loaf.
16. I used to be a genius but then I volunteered at a puppy shelter, and cuteness overload does terrible things to your ability to focus on anything but tiny wagging tails.
17. I used to be a genius but then I started reading choose-your-own-adventure books, and all those alternate endings messed with my ability to make linear decisions.
18. I used to be a genius but then I became a professional party planner. Turns out confetti explosions and glitter showers aren't exactly brain food.
19. I used to be a genius but then I started watching reality TV, and now my brain feels like mush, but at least I know all the Kardashians' middle names.
20. I used to be a genius but then I got autocorrect on my phone, and let's just say "duck" is now permanently implanted in my vocabulary.