"If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I'd be rich enough to afford someone to listen to you instead."
"Didn't they teach you that in participation trophy kindergarten?" (Use with caution!)
"I'm pretty sure a squirrel could out-plan that strategy."
"Is that your final answer? Because I'm phoning a friend for help here."
"Wow, that's a take so hot, I think I just saw a snowflake melt in Hawaii."
"Let me guess, you heard that on the internet, right next to the article about mind-reading pigeons?"
"Feeling bold today, aren't we? Like, 'put-milk-before-cereal' kind of bold."
"May your internet connection be as reliable as your memory."
"Hold on, let me grab my shocked face... oh wait, never mind, I can't seem to find it."
"I'm not sure what's more impressive, your ability to completely miss the point, or your confidence in doing so."
"You have the attention span of a goldfish with ADHD."
"If you were any more transparent, you'd be invisible."
"Is this a competition to see who can come up with the most ridiculous idea?"
"Dramatic sigh Sure, let's humor you and pretend that makes sense."
"I'd argue with you, but then I'd have to explain why you're wrong, and frankly, I'm too busy today."
"Can we please move on before someone spontaneously combusts from secondhand embarrassment?"
"Stares blankly ...Did you just say something?"
"You're right, I should apologize. Sorry you had to hear that." (Delivered with a sly smile)
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