An Imaginary Story of Columbus and the Marlinton Roadkill Festival

 

Christopher Columbus, weathered and weary after years exploring uncharted waters, stumbled upon a hidden gem in the Appalachian Mountains in 1749. Drawn by whispers of healing waters, he found himself at the White Sulphur Springs resort in Greenbrier County, West Virginia.  The pampering and natural rejuvenation were a welcome respite, but Columbus, a man of restless curiosity, found himself drawn to the local roads.

One crisp morning, while exploring a dusty track now known as Marlinton Road, Columbus came upon a sight that both horrified and fascinated him.  Sprawled across the path was a magnificent buck, its antlers locked in a final struggle with a hefty raccoon.  Struck by the unexpected tableau, Columbus realized the dangers that lurked on these wilderness roads for both man and beast.

Back at the resort, Columbus regaled his fellow travelers with tales of his encounter.  He entertained them with the idea of a lighthearted festival, a way to acknowledge the unfortunate reality of roadkill while celebrating the resilience of nature.  The idea caught fire. Local townsfolk, tickled by the eccentric explorer's proposal, readily agreed.

Columbus, ever the showman, wasn't done there. He convinced the resort's resident chef, a portly Frenchman named Jacques, to create a grand "Roadkill Revival" dish for the festival's main event. Jacques, initially horrified by the prospect, was a man who thrived on a challenge. He spent days concocting a stew, a masterpiece that incorporated foraged greens, wild mushrooms, and, of course, the "finest" roadkill offerings – all discreetly sourced from a local butcher (don't tell the townsfolk!).

The night of the unveiling arrived. A nervous Jacques presented his creation in a giant iron cauldron, the aroma a surprisingly enticing blend of smoky herbs and slow-cooked goodness. The crowd, a mix of skeptical locals and intrigued visitors, hesitantly approached. Columbus, ever the cheerleader, grabbed a ladle and declared, "To the bounty of the road, and the ingenuity of man!" He took a hearty spoonful, his face contorting in mock seriousness before breaking into a wide grin. "Magnifique!" he exclaimed.

The crowd, emboldened by Columbus's theatrics, tentatively dug in. To their surprise, the stew was a revelation. The foraged ingredients added a depth of flavor, the meat was surprisingly tender, and Jacques's secret blend of spices masked any...unpleasant undertones. The stew became the star of the festival, a dish so good it defied its origins. The "Roadkill Revival" became a Marlinton tradition, a testament to Jacques's culinary prowess and a reminder that even the most unexpected ingredients could be transformed into something delicious.

News of the delectable "roadkill" stew spread far and wide. Food critics, initially skeptical, made the pilgrimage to Marlinton, returning with glowing reviews. The festival, once a quirky local event, became a national phenomenon. Columbus, though long gone, became a folk hero in Marlinton, the man who brought them not just a festival, but an unexpected culinary treasure. The Marlinton Roadkill Festival continued to thrive, a testament to the explorer's spirit of adventure, a dash of absurdity, and a whole lot of surprisingly delicious stew

Thus, the very first Marlinton Roadkill Festival was born.  Columbus, the unexpected founder, helped organize a parade featuring decorated wagons carrying the week's most "illustrious" roadkill.