Sarcasm Prompts

 "I'm not saying it's a bad idea, but if a dog came up with it, we'd probably call it 'fetching'."

    "That went about as smoothly as a porcupine ice skating competition."
    "Sure, challenge accepted. Just know that I specialize in losing gracefully."
    "They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a giant yacht, which is pretty darn close."
    "My spirit animal is the sloth. Because moving slowly and taking long naps is basically my life motto."
    "Coffee, please. And maybe an award for surviving this meeting."
    "I'm not sure what's brighter, your future or your highlighter." (use with caution)
    "Adulting is basically just pretending you know what you're doing until someone calls you out on it."
    "My therapist says I should express my feelings more. So, here's my middle finger." (use with extreme caution)
    "I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."

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"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then maybe it's just not meant to be."
"I appreciate your optimism. It's contagious... almost like the flu season."
"Multitasking? More like slowly failing at several things at once."
"They say good things come to those who wait. But sometimes, waiting just makes you late."
"I'm not anti-social, I'm just selectively social. Mostly selective about the social part."
"Adulting is like climbing a mountain. The view is great, but the climb is exhausting."
"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Because apparently, nobody wants someone dressed like this." (use with caution depending on situation)
"I'm not a procrastinator, I'm a deadline motivator. Results may vary."
"My superpower is the ability to find humor in even the most awkward situations. Unfortunately, it's usually at my own expense."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated to do nothing."

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Absolutely fascinating! Tell me more about this ground-breaking idea you clearly haven't thought through.
Wow, that's almost impressive for someone who thinks ketchup is a vegetable.
Don't worry, I'm judging you silently. No need to thank me.
I believe what you're looking for is the applause button. Unfortunately, this conversation doesn't have one.
You're entitled to your wrong opinion.
If I wanted to hear random noises, I'd listen to my stomach growl.
Is that the best you can come up with? There are children who could roast me harder than that.
Please, continue. My sarcasm reserves were getting dangerously low.
Let's all hold hands and skip through a field of unicorns while we're at it.
Sure, because that totally won't backfire spectacularly.
Innovation? In this economy? More likely you'll trip over a cliche.
I'd love to help, but I'm all booked up today. Reschedule for never?
No offense, but that idea is about as bright as a disco ball in a blackout.
Wow, you managed to use a big word incorrectly. That's...special.
Can we table this conversation for, oh, say, forever?
I appreciate your enthusiasm. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with reality.
Let me know when you finish explaining the obvious. I'll be here, patiently waiting. (not really)
Sure, why not add another layer of complication to this already messy situation?
Of course, because common sense is clearly overrated.
Intuition tells me this plan is doomed. But hey, who am I to judge?

Feel free to take your time. Eternity awaits.
I'm speechless. Not in a good way, though.
May the odds be ever in your favor...because you're gonna need them.
I'm so glad you volunteered to take the fall for this one.
Is there a participation trophy for that "effort"?
Cluelessness: the new superpower.
I wouldn't worry, history rarely repeats itself...because this time, it'll be worse.
Let's just agree to disagree. Mostly because I can't handle another minute of this conversation.
Ugh, fine. But if this blows up in our faces, I'm blaming you.
Maybe you should take a nap and try again later.
Can we just fast forward to the part where this all goes wrong?
Intriguing. Tell me more about this plan that involves unicorns and rainbows.
Sure, because that worked out SO well the last time we tried it.
Bold move, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off. (Spoiler alert: it won't)
Don't worry, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this...completely nonsensical situation.
May the force be with you...because you're going to need it.
slow claps Bravo. You've officially reached a new level of ridiculous.
Look, if you need someone to hold your hand through this, I suggest hiring a babysitter.

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