Alternate School Courses to Replace Science, Math, and History

 

1. Underwater Basket Weaving 101: This course is so deep, you'll be kelp-t for wishing you were taking something more relevant.

2. Advanced Fog Appreciation: Great for learning the difference between pea soup and latte fog, but not much else. This class is sure to leave you feeling a little foggy on future career options.

3. Sourdough Starter Psychology: They say you can't rush a good sourdough starter, but this class might make you wish you could. Don't get risen to fame with this one.

4. Cable Car Cable Carving: Sounds impressive, but the only future job prospects involve tiny, tourist-trap cable car figurines.

5. The History of the Spork: This course might be sporking mad with its lack of practicality. You'll learn a lot about a utensil that's neither here nor there.

6. Advanced Hill Climbing: Great exercise, but metaphorically, this class won't get you very far in the competitive college or job market.

7. Latte Art for Beginners: Sure, you might learn to make a pretty swan, but this course won't exactly pay the bills. Don't get steamed about it.

8. Golden Gate Bridge Appreciation Society: This class might be a bridge too far for anyone seeking real-world skills. It's a long way to go for a scenic view.

9. The Art of Fog-Horn Communication: Learn a dying art form and impress absolutely no one. This course might leave you feeling a little hoarse.

10. Cable Car Etiquette: Essential for tourists, but not much use for anyone else. This class might leave you feeling a little derailed.

    11. Gourmet Dungeness Crab Cracking: You'll become a master cracker, but only of crustaceans, not the SATs. This course might leave you feeling a little shellfish about your future.

    Advanced Seagull Diplomacy: Learn how to negotiate for your french fries, but good luck translating those skills to the real world. This class might leave you feeling a little gull-ible.

    
    

    Kombucha Brewing for Beginners: Sure, you'll have a fizzy beverage, but this course won't exactly have your resume bubbling with excitement. Don't get fermented about it.

    
    

    The History of the San Francisco Cable Car Grip: This class might have you feeling a little gripped by boredom. You'll learn all about a very specific, and somewhat obsolete, technology.

    
    

    Mime School 101: This course is silently screaming with its lack of practicality. You might learn to be invisible, but not to future employers.